How to Write a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Guide With Examples

Step 1: Give yourself permission to keep it simple

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honor, and it can also feel like a weight. Many people worry they will say the wrong thing, forget something important, or cry in front of everyone. All of that is normal, and none of it will ruin the eulogy.

A eulogy is not a biography. It is not a speech you will be graded on. It is a few minutes of telling people what this person was like and what they meant to you. If you only manage to say one true thing well, you have done your job.

It also helps to ask the family what they hope for. Some want a lighter tone with a few laughs. Others want something quieter. Ask whether anyone else is speaking, too, so you can avoid telling the same stories twice.

Step 2: Gather memories, including other people's

Start by writing down everything that comes to mind, in no order. Don't edit yet. A single phrase is enough: 'the green truck,' 'Sunday pancakes,' 'always early to everything.' Aim for a long, messy list.

Then ask others. You knew one side of the person, and other people knew different sides. A coworker might remember how they handled a crisis. A grandchild might remember a silly game. A neighbor might know about quiet kindnesses no one in the family ever heard about. These stories can make a eulogy feel full and fair.

• Text or call three to five people and ask one question: 'What's a story about them you'd want people to hear?'
• Look through photos, cards, and old messages. They often bring back details you had forgotten.
• Note the person's favorite sayings, foods, songs, and habits. Small details make a eulogy feel real.
• If the family is already collecting memories from friends and relatives, ask if you can read through them.
• When you use someone else's story, mention them by name: 'Their friend Diane told me...' It honors them and helps listeners follow along.

Step 3: Find the thread

Look over your list and ask: what was true about this person almost every day? Maybe they were generous to a fault. Maybe they were stubborn in a way that made people laugh. Maybe they were the one who held the family together. That quality is your thread.

Once you have it, choose two or three stories that show it. Showing is stronger than telling. 'She was generous' is fine. 'She once gave her winter coat to a stranger at a bus stop and walked home in the cold' lets people see it for themselves.

It's fine to leave things out. You cannot fit a whole life into a few minutes, and no one expects you to. Pick the stories that feel most like them, and let the rest go.

Step 4: Use a simple structure

Most good eulogies follow the same basic shape. You can follow it closely or loosely, but having a plan makes writing much easier.

• Opening (about 30 seconds): introduce yourself and how you knew the person. 'I'm Marcus, Ellen's oldest grandson.'
• A short picture of their life (about 1 minute): where they grew up, the people they loved, the work they did. Keep it brief. A few sentences is plenty.
• Your thread (a sentence or two): name the quality that defined them.
• Two or three stories (3 to 4 minutes): each one shows that quality in action. Include one from someone else if you can.
• What they leave behind (about 1 minute): what you or others carry forward because of them.
• Closing (about 30 seconds): a goodbye, a thank-you, or a line they used to say.

Step 5: Get the length right

Five to seven minutes is a good target for most services. At a natural speaking pace, that comes to roughly 700 to 1,000 words. If several people are speaking, ask the family or officiant how much time you have. Three to five minutes is common when there are multiple speakers.

The easiest way to check is to read your draft aloud with a timer. Read slowly, the way you would at the service, and include small pauses. If you run long, cut a story rather than rushing. A shorter eulogy delivered calmly is better than a long one delivered in a hurry.

• About 3 minutes: roughly 400 to 450 words.
• About 5 minutes: roughly 700 words.
• About 7 minutes: roughly 1,000 words.

Step 6: Write the way you talk

A eulogy is meant to be heard, not read. Short sentences are easier to say and easier to follow. Use the words you would use at the kitchen table. If you'd never say 'she was a paragon of virtue' out loud, don't write it.

• Call the person what you called them: Grandma, Pops, Coach, or just their first name.
• Read each sentence out loud as you write. If you trip over it, simplify it.
• Humor is welcome when it's warm. A gentle laugh can be a relief for everyone in the room.
• Skip anything that could embarrass the family, reopen old conflicts, or share private details about the illness or death.
• If faith was important to them, it's fine to mention it in your own words or include a short, familiar reading.
• Leave room for the family. If you're not a close relative, briefly acknowledge the spouse, children, or others closest to the person.

Short example passages

These are short pieces, not full eulogies. They show how a story and a thread can work together. Use them for ideas, and replace every detail with your own.

For a grandmother: 'Grandma Rose never owned a measuring cup. She cooked by handfuls and pinches, and when we asked for a recipe she'd say, "Just keep tasting until it's right." I think that's how she did most things. She kept tasting, kept adjusting, kept showing up. When my parents divorced, she didn't give a speech. She just started picking me up from school every Wednesday and teaching me to make dumplings. By the end of that year I could make them without her. I didn't realize until much later that the dumplings were never really the point.'

For a father: 'My dad believed you could fix almost anything with patience and the right screwdriver. He fixed our neighbors' fences, my sister's first car, and a radio I was sure was dead. But the thing I remember most is the night I wrecked that same car. I called him from the side of the road, ready for the worst. He drove out, looked at the dented fender, looked at me, and said, "Cars can be fixed. Are you okay?" That was my dad. He always knew which thing mattered more.'

For a friend: 'I met Jordan on the first day of college, when we were both lost and looking for the same lecture hall. We never found it. We ended up eating fries on the library steps instead, and we kept doing that, in one form or another, for twenty-six years. Jordan was the friend who remembered your mom's name and your dog's birthday. When my first child was born, a box of diapers showed up on my porch with a note that said, "Sleep is overrated. I'm proud of you." I kept the note. I think a lot of us have a note like that from Jordan.'

Step 7: Practice, then deliver

Practice out loud at least three times before the service. The first time will feel awkward. By the third, you'll know where the hard parts are and where to breathe.

• Print your eulogy in a large font, such as 16 or 18 point, with extra space between lines. It's much easier to read through tears.
• Number the pages, in case they get out of order.
• Mark places to pause, and mark any line you know will be hard to get through.
• Bring a bottle of water and a tissue to the podium.
• Look up at the start and the end, even if you read the middle. Find a friendly face in the room.
• Speak more slowly than feels natural. Nerves make everyone talk fast.
• If you start to cry, stop, breathe, and wait. People will wait with you. It's okay.
• Ask someone to be your backup. If you can't continue, they can step up and finish reading for you.

After the service

Families often ask for a copy of the eulogy. Consider giving them a printed copy or sending it by email in the weeks after. Some families include eulogies in a memory book alongside notes and photos from guests, so the words can be reread long after the day itself.

If you used stories from others, it's a kind gesture to let them know their memory was shared. Many people are deeply touched to hear that something they remembered became part of the goodbye.