Funeral Reception Ideas: Venue, Food, and a Memory Table

What the reception is for

The service is where people are quiet together. The reception is where they talk. Cousins who have not seen each other in a decade catch up, coworkers tell the family stories they never heard, someone finally laughs. For many families it is the part of the day they remember most warmly.

Traditions differ. Some families hold a repast right after the burial with a full meal. Some sit with visitors at home for several days. Some hold a separate celebration weeks later with music. All of these are receptions in the sense that matters: people, food, and time.

Where to hold it

• A family home: the most personal option, free, and good for a smaller group. Clear the main room, borrow folding chairs, and accept that the kitchen will become the center of everything.
• A hall at a church, temple, mosque, or community center: often free or low cost for members, with tables, chairs, a kitchen, and parking already in place.
• The funeral home's reception room: many have one, and it saves a second drive on a hard day. Ask what catering they allow.
• A restaurant's private room: no setup or cleanup, a set menu, and a bill at the end. Good for twenty to sixty people. Many restaurants quietly waive the room fee for a funeral group.
• A park pavilion or backyard: room for children to run, and a natural fit for someone who loved being outside. Have a rain plan.
• A veterans' hall, union hall, or fraternal lodge: if the person belonged, the members may offer the space and help staff it.
• The person's favorite place: a bar, a diner, a bowling alley. Unconventional, and often exactly right.

Food by budget

People do not expect a feast. They expect something to hold in one hand and something to drink. Plan for about two thirds of the people at the service to come.

• Smallest budget: a potluck. Ask six to ten friends to bring one dish each, and assign categories so you do not get nine pasta salads. Add coffee, iced tea, water, and a sheet cake from a grocery store. This is the oldest kind of reception and nobody thinks less of it.
• Modest budget: sandwich or deli platters from a grocery store or sandwich shop, fruit and vegetable trays, chips, cookies, and drinks. Order the day before; most stores need a few hours' notice.
• Middle budget: a catered buffet dropped off in warming trays. A taco bar, a pasta bar, barbecue with sides, or a breakfast spread for a morning service. Disposable plates and serving utensils are often included if you ask.
• Larger budget: a restaurant meal with a set menu, or a caterer who also provides staff, so the family does not touch a single tray.
• In every case, label dishes, note anything with nuts or pork, and have one vegetarian option that is substantial, not just a salad. If the person had a signature dish, make it or have someone make it; people will talk about it all afternoon.
• Drinks: coffee, hot water for tea, iced tea or lemonade, and plenty of water. Alcohol is a family decision and depends on tradition and the venue. If you serve it, keep it simple: beer, wine, and one thing the person liked.

Setting up a memory table

A memory table is a single table, near the entrance or the food line, that gives guests something to look at and something to do. It is the easiest way to turn a room full of quiet people into a room full of conversations.

Put on it:

• Framed photos from different eras, five to ten, so every generation sees a version of the person they knew.
• A few objects: their hat, a tool from their shop, a tennis racket, the sewing box, the worn deck of cards.
• A guest book or a stack of blank memory cards with pens, and a small box or basket to collect the cards.
• A small sign with a QR code, if the family has set up a memorial page, so guests can add a memory or a photo from their phone without waiting in line.
• A digital frame or tablet cycling through photos, if you have one. Set it to shuffle and leave it alone.
• A card that says plainly what the family hopes guests will do: write one memory, add a photo, take a flower.

Activities that help people talk

Most guests want to share a story and do not know how to start. You do not need to run a program. You need one or two small invitations.

• Memory cards with a prompt printed on them. Not what do you remember, but something specific: what did she always say, what did he teach you, where were you the last time you laughed together.
• An open microphone for twenty minutes, announced in advance, with one confident person going first and a gentle limit of two minutes each.
• A toast at a set time, with whatever is in people's hands, led by one person who says a few sentences and then invites anyone to add one line.
• A slideshow on a loop, thirty to sixty photos, long enough that people drift over and start pointing. Their music playing low does the same job; someone says that was his song, and a story follows.
• A memory jar or box that goes home with the family unopened, to be read on a quieter day.
• Something to take: a packet of seeds from their garden, a recipe card, a favorite candy, a photo print.
• A kids' table with paper and crayons and a sign asking them to draw a picture for the family. Children handle grief better with a job.

Timing that works

Announce the reception at the end of the service and in the program, with the address. People should be able to arrive within thirty to sixty minutes of the service ending, which allows for a graveside committal and lets the family catch its breath.

Two to three hours is the right length. The first hour is arrivals and food. The second is conversation and any toasts or slideshow. By the third hour the family is exhausted. Put an end time on the invitation, and ask one friend to gently start cleaning up when it is time.

What to ask friends to bring

Friends will say let me know if there is anything I can do, and mean it. Give them a specific thing. A short list, divided up by text message, is a gift to everyone.

• One main dish, one side, or one dessert, with the dish labeled and the container marked with their name.
• A large box of coffee or two gallons of iced tea from a coffee shop.
• Paper plates, napkins, cups, and plastic utensils for the expected number plus a third more.
• Two bags of ice and a cooler.
• A folding table and six folding chairs.
• Extension cords and a power strip for the slideshow or digital frame.
• Pens, index cards, and a basket for the memory table.
• A box of tissues for each room, including the restroom.
• Trash bags, foil, and empty containers so leftovers can be sent home with the family, who will not eat at the reception and will be hungry at nine that night.
• Themselves, early, to set up, and one person who will stay late to clean, take a few candid photos, and carry the guest book and memory cards home with the family in one bag.